Three Powerful Ways To Help Your Child Flourish
In my yoga classes with kids, I position yoga to be an excavator of sorts. After all, kids love those, right? Rather than seeing yoga as a tool to help kids build something they don’t have, I leverage yoga to help them uncover what they already have within them. And that is what I call their inner resources. We all have them, it’s just a matter of whether we are aware of them and how well we have practiced using them.
For kids specifically, think about the challenges they often face, such as bullying, stress, drug abuse, trauma, and mental health issues. It is tremendous to navigate for anyone, but especially for a brain that hasn’t been fully developed yet. That is why it is more important than ever to begin practicing the ability to flourish at a young age so their flourishing “muscle” gets stronger as your child grows and serves them well into adulthood.
But first, let’s talk about what it means to flourish.
What does it mean to flourish?
In Positive Psychology, it is hard to do justice to the essence of the word flourishing, since it encompasses many important facets of the human experience. In my experience and in converging the research, I would simply say flourishing has less to do with the absence of illness and more to do with the presence of wellness. It means to harness the good times and emerge through the bad ones.
To ebb and flow with the highs and lows of life with a sense of personal power and agency.
Here are three simple yet powerful ways you can teach your child to flourish:
The ability to flourish is connected to many elements, such as resilience, positive relationships, purpose, and mindset. And because each one of us has individual needs and thresholds as it relates to these elements, you can begin to see that there is no one-size fits all recipe for fostering a child’s ability to flourish.
However, instead of giving your child the recipe, you can give them the ingredients and allow them the agency to put it all together in a way that works for them.
Here are 3 things you can do TODAY to foster your child’s ability to flourish:
Model the behavior. Your child may not always listen to you, but they are always watching you. To that end, they will learn how to deal with stress by how you deal with stress. So, here’s what you do. When you are frustrated, angry, or stressed while with your child: (1) Pause, inhale for 3 seconds, hold it for 2 seconds, and exhale for 5 seconds; (2) Tell your child you are feeling stressed and you need a minute to settle. If you need space, tell your child you need a quiet moment and ask that they stay where they are, so long as they are safe. (3) Return to them after a minute or so and thank them for their patience. Explain to them that it is okay to feel angry or stressed and it is important to take care of yourself when you are feeling that way.
Talk about feelings and listen. Having a mindset of positive internal dialogue is not about ignoring feelings and pretending things are okay when they’re not. In fact, it is critical for your child to acknowledge and process their feelings as well as understand why they have them. Think about it this way: you don’t want to teach your child to pretend everything is okay when it isn’t. You do want to teach your child that they will be okay when everything isn’t. When you sense your child is upset, angry, scared, or sad, ask them how they’re feeling. Stand by their side and dive into it with them. Help them tell you the story of their feelings. Why are they feeling that way? What brought it on? Who is involved? What is something they could do next time when similar situations arise again? And when they open up to you, your job is to listen without judgement. Finally, thank them for sharing their feelings and model what it looks like to move forward with resolve to thrive.
Give space for choice and autonomy. Depending on the age of your child, you can carve out space for them to have choice and autonomy in their life and daily activities. For example, allow your child the ability to pack their own bag or decide whether they want to wear a coat. Giving them this space teaches them about responsibility as well as independence. Even if they forget something or regret not bringing a coat, they will learn about how to make mistakes, self-regulation, and the importance of thinking through decisions as they apply to each circumstance. Little by little, you will help your child take ownership of their life, find purpose in their decisions, navigate their emotions, and strengthen their executive functioning - a critical tool going into young adulthood.
Even though we, as parents, cannot control every aspect of our kids’ lives, we can take small, powerful steps to equip them with the tools to live a “good life”, navigate tough times, celebrate good times, and cultivate a sense of personal power. Helping them regulate emotions, tap into their internal dialogue, and practice decision making all contributes towards this.
Flourishing doesn’t mean dodging the mess and living in a glass bubble. It means teaching your child how to be anchored in their sense of self so as to feel the storm without drifting away because of it. And then, to enjoy the journey.